Submitted For Your Consideration
January 2010
Decisions are Hard
In a recent book called The Paradox of Choice, author Barry Schwartz argues that we are faced with too many choices today. The paradoxical part is that the amount of happiness we experience is not directly proportional to the number of choices we have. If anything, the opposite is true. The more choices we are presented with, the harder it is to decide on anything, which leads to agonizing over the smallest decisions sometimes (let alone the big ones).
I haven't read the book, so the rest of this is my own take on this phenomenon. I think this tendency to agonize over choices can lead to confusion and indecision. It can also lead to second-guessing choices already made. The result is, at least theoretically, to find yourself in a constant state of dissatisfaction, wondering not only what choice to make now, but whether the choices you made before were worthy ones.
So here's the thing: the past is over, you can't change it. However, you can decide to change where you're going from here.
I've been agonizing a bit over a decision of my own: whether to stop being a freelancer and focus on fiction writing only. Frankly, there's nothing to stop me from doing this, other than my own hang-ups and insecurities.
After all, fiction writing is a highly speculative business. There are no guarantees of success (and even fewer chances of becoming a bestseller). So, why do it?
As I considered this question, I thought back to 1993. That's when I decided, after a great deal of soul-searching and preparation, to quit the federal government and open a law office. (I was a practicing attorney then.) A gutsy move, people told me. But I was willing to take the risk. Three years later (and after even more soul-searching and agonizing), I decided to close my office. Turned out to be the prelude to quitting the practice of law, in order to become a full-time writer -- another difficult decision. And a sea change in my life.
It took some adjustments for me to get used to not being an attorney, but it allowed me to do what I wanted most -- focus on writing. In retrospect, I can honestly say I have absolutely no regrets.
I started off (while still in practice) writing for legal publishers. I later did work for local publications and branched out to writing for trade and professional periodicals. At some point, I decided to do more business writing. As I took on more business projects, I gained experience and confidence in my work. It gave me an actual portfolio to show for my efforts. The key to these successes were the fact that I didn't have to divide my time between law and writing. I'd made my choice and I was sticking with it.
Meanwhile, I was writing fiction. I finished one novel that didn't sell, so I worked on the next. That second novel, IDENTITY CRISIS, was the one that sold. This was after my first published fiction, a short story called "Deadly Detour," appeared in the anthology, CHESAPEAKE CRIMES. I was thrilled, but figured the chances of making any real money from my book were slim to none. In fact, given the amount that I paid for travel, promotional materials and publicist's fees, I expected to generate nothing but losses -- at least, for a while. I hoped, like all other new authors, that the payoff would come later.
Long story short -- the book went out of print, because the publisher was obviously struggling and didn't have long to last. I got the rights back and had to make yet another difficult decision. Keep looking for a publisher for that book (or the next, which I'd written) or self-publish my out-of-print book. More agonizing, more weighing of options. Then, I said, "Oh, what the heck!" (Or words to that effect.) I decided to self-publish the book.
I was doing this primarily to get it back in print, because it had gotten some great reviews and I figured the book deserved another shot. I had no idea how much work was in store for me after that.
Because once the book was back in print (as well as published as an e-book on Amazon, Smashwords and Scribd), the whole thing became much more serious. I didn't want to just have a published book. I wanted to sell it. And that required lots and lots of marketing, promotion, networking, and selling. The process mushroomed into a huge pile of obligations, decisions, personal appearances and writing in every form -- press releases, blog posts, emails, interviews, book reviews (I like to review books by talented authors, in order to lend my support).
Trying to handle this, along with freelancing was becoming, well, a bit much. It was do-able, but barely. My husband finally said, "Stop killing yourself. We can survive quite nicely, if you just write fiction."
Wow. What a concept. But this meant I had to make yet another tough decision. Really tough. I was raised to always play things smart. To always have a backup plan. To always have a steady income of some sort. (To have income of some sort!) To never rely 100 percent on anybody. Was this going to work? Would I fail? Who was I to think I could pull this off?
Then, I stopped freaking out and thought about it. This is an opportunity, not a setback. And as Douglas MacArthur put it: "There is no security on this earth; there is only opportunity."
And I needed to focus on one goal in order to achieve it. For as Lucius Annaeus Seneca once said, "If you do not know to which port you are sailing, no wind is favorable."
Was there a risk? Of course there was. But according to Herbert V. Prochnow, "Progress means taking risks, for you can't steal home and keep your foot on third base."
I knew there'd be nay-sayers who'd insist I could never make it as a self-published author. But as Sugar Ray Robinson put it, "To be a champ you have to believe in yourself when nobody else will."
Should I wait? No. For as Horace pointed out, "Seize the day and put the least possible trust in tomorrow."
In the end, the choice almost seemed to make itself. I decided to go for it. And by doing so, I've limited myself to one goal and one destination -- and eliminating the paradox of choosing among a variety of goals has given me an amazing sense of serenity, despite all the risks.
It's a new year and time for a new paradigm.
Keeping in mind the words of Emory S. Adams, Jr., "When a decision has been made and the die is cast, then murder the alternatives."
May the alternatives rest in peace.
Life is either daring adventure or nothing.
Helen Keller
